The Impersonal Life

by Joseph Sieber Benner

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the_unfolding_of_a_soul_3

The Inner Life

THE HERALD OF THE NEW AGE | NOVEMBER 1935

waiting the arrival of my first baby. My baby! It was just too wonderful to be true.

But I found out a short time later—for one night, a few months before its time, I brought forth a son into the world; and just once it gave a little cry, and lived but a few hours. And my being there could not save my baby from dying, as I used to think when real small—that my presence kept them from dying.

Well, that was my second heart-break, and that too I took to God, and somehow I felt He shared it. So after awhile I thought, well if I could have one I could have another; perhaps this time I could keep it.

So a year and a half later I brought forth another son, again a few months ahead of time; and again I could not keep him from dying. And I almost died with him. I only I could, I would have been saved the heartaches that came later; for just a year later I brought a daughter into the world. She too came too soon and lived three months, and then I laid her with the rest.

But I do not blame God for taking them. I was just terribly hurt inside, a hurt that would not heal. However, I did not give up hopes, and two years later I brought forth another daughter, and glory be! a fullborn child, and what a baby! It seemed as though God gave her everything the others altogether should have had. Doctor (an old man who had brought many into the world) said she was the most perfectly formed child he had ever delivered to a waiting mother. She was beautiful to look at, with lovely blue eyes and black hair which stayed black; and even from the day she was born she brought sunshine into the lives of all with whom she came in contact.

She walked everywhere at nine months and spoke very plainly at one year; at two years her aunts sent her to dancing school where she became a perfect dancer. She made friends with everybody wherever she went, red or yellow; and they all made friends with her. She had everything in this world she wanted; if I couldn’t get it for her, some one else did. Yet she was the most unselfish child I ever knew. She would give her clothes from her back to some one else, for she always said, “I have so many, and they don’t have any.” There is only one thing she wanted that she couldn’t have, and that was a baby brother or sister. She was as crazy for babies as I was; so when she was


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